5 Rules for a Happy Relationship
1. Remember your partner isn’t perfect. Many times we love our partner so much that we see them as more perfect than other people in our life. In this light, we hold them to an ideal, one that embraces the thought that this person will not hurt us.

Many times we do this unconsciously. We make the mistake of forgetting they are human. As humans, we are designed to make mistakes. And sometimes, they may behave in a way which cause us to feel hurt. It is helpful to remember no one is perfect all the time. It is unrealistic to expect perfection from our partner. Allow them to make mistakes and forgive them for being human. It is through our mistakes that we learn. Embrace both your partner’s strengths and weaknesses.

2. Let your love be stronger than your anger. This is so important. Sometimes we get caught up in our need to be right. Yet being right isn’t winning at all. Being angry disconnects us from ourself and our partner. It is the result feeling our needs aren’t being met. Winning only has room for one.

Explore what you need. Give some thought and ask yourself what do you need specifically, from your partner. This will help you think more clearly. Give yourself the luxury of putting yourself in time-out to clear your thoughts. Then communicate to your partner, as clearly as you can, what you are feeling. Ask for what you want or need and then be patient. Be very patient. Creating love, and especially lasting love, takes time.

3. Be flexible. After you ask for what you want, the next step is to be flexible. We become afraid when we aren’t getting what we need. Our tendency then is to become rigid. It is difficult to be flexible and rigid at the same time.

Try this: Ask you partner for three things, Then have your partner choose one of the three they can commit to doing. You won’t get all three but you will get one, and one is better than none. Trade places with your partner and do this exercise again to balance giving and receiving. Remember to be flexible.

4. Look for the good, no matter how small. Sometimes we overlook the small things our partner does for us. This is especially true for deeds done on a regular basis, like taking out the trash, cleaning the bathroom or making the bed. From a woman’s point of view, when her partner does domestic chores, she sees him as contributing to the housework, not as doing something romantic. As a result, her husband’s efforts are not usually appreciated. Yet, this is the best way to demotivate a man - forget to appreciate his efforts.

Appreciating a man for what he does, enables him to feel good about himself which in turn, motivates him to do more. A man thrives in a relationship where his efforts result in a happy woman.

From a man’s point of view, when his wife is talking, it may seem unimportant and pointless. Yet, validating what she is saying and empathizing with her feelings, fulfills a primary emotional need of hers. Women thrive in a relationship and have more to give when this one need is met.

5. Treat your spouse with the respect and kindness you show your friends.

You married your best friend, but sometimes you may not feel this way. Still, they deserve the courtesies and kindness you bestow on your friends.

Do something everyday to let your spouse know you care. It benefits both of you. Love is the strongest emotion we have. What brought you together is what will keep you together.

If you find you have trouble expressing yourself, think back to a time when someone was nice to you, when someone said or did something kind. Recall the feelings. Connect with that memory. Doing this exercise will move you into a compassionate state of being, which is the goal. When you are feel compassionate, kindness and respect come naturally.

Purely Practical Tips (For Dating On and Off-line)


Whether you're off on your first blind date set up by a friend or you found your love interest on Match.com, your personal safety should always be priority No. 1. The following guidelines will help ensure your safety:

DO guard your identity.
Don't share your real name, personal phone numbers, or any other identifying information while IMing or emailing until you are comfortable doing so.

Tip: Never post personal contact information in your profile. Don't risk having this information fall into the wrong hands.

DO remain anonymous until you feel safe and ready to explore other options.
Your communication options on Match.com are designed with "doubleblind" technology to help you protect your identity until you choose to reveal it — this includes email, IM and even matchTalk, which allows you to talk on your own phone without having to reveal phone numbers.

Tip: If a person provides his or her phone number early in the email exchange, that doesn't obligate you to use it.

DO use a third party, anonymous email address.
While Match.com's "doubleblind" system conceals true email and IM addresses, hackers can breach nearly any technology. As an added safety measure, set up a third-party email address to use expressly for dating purposes and forward your Match.com emails there instead of to your personal email box.

Tip: Make sure you turn off signatures or identifying information in your email and consider using a P.O. Box for snail mail.

DO be careful when using a sexy name.
Keep in mind that, while using sexual connotations in your email address or user name might get you noticed, it probably won't attract the sort of person you'd like to share a relationship with — or even a conversation, for that matter.

Tip: Also, do not include your real name or city of residence in your profile or in your user name.

DO use a current picture and be truthful in your description of yourself in your profile.
Misleading descriptions or photos can result in angry feelings and can end a relationship before it begins. In the long run, honesty is your best relationship tool.

DO trust your gut.
Immediately quit corresponding if you feel unsure or threatened.

Do keep a record of your conversations.
Remember to save your emails and IMs for future reference. Match.com does not retain copies of your correspondence.

Tip: If you are uncomfortable with an IM exchange, remember to click the "Save to file" link on your IM window.

DO block abusers.
We STRONGLY encourage you to block any member who behaves in an abusive manner and to report the behavior to Match.com. You can block people and report concerns from any profile page or directly from your email or IM window.

Examples of abuse include:

Married people or minors using the service
Members sending harassing or offensive emails/IMs
Members behaving inappropriately after meeting in person
Criminals or other "shady" characters using the service
Fraudulent registration or profiles
Spam or solicitation*
Copyright infringement
Members asking you for money or donations
Any other violation of Match.com's policies
*Our Terms of Use strictly prohibits the use of this service for the purpose of solicitation. Please notify us immediately if another member sends you links to a pay-to-view site or includes instructions about how to call a 1-900 number. Also report invitations to join other singles sites, emails about modeling opportunities or attempts to sell any merchandise or service.

The Top Ten Internet Dating Profile Mistakes

These days Internet dating is huge. If you’re serious about finding The One and are NOT using internet dating, you’re missing out on one of the most powerful ways to meet potential mates. But as with everything, there is a right and a wrong way to create an outstanding profile. With a great profile, you open up a world of possibilities and draw interesting, attractive prospects. With the wrong one, you'll send people running for the hills even if you really are Ms. or Mr. Wonderful. Or worse yet, you'll be attracting the wrong type of responses.

Unfortunately, in a vast sea of profiles, making one blunder can mean the difference between no dates and lots of dates! So whether you’re new to Internet dating and not sure how to get started or you’ve been online but aren’t getting the response you deserve, read on to learn the most common profile mistakes. Armed with this information, you can craft a profile that will get you noticed!

Mistake Number One: Internet Dating is For Losers
Although Internet dating is for smart people ready for action towards a goal, you’d be surprised how many people start their profile off with something like, “I can’t believe it’s come to this.” Believe me, that gives readers the wrong vibe about what kind of person you are. You’re implying that there must be something wrong with you if you’re using Internet dating. Worse, it also suggests that there’s something wrong with the person reading your profile if they’ve had to “stoop” to finding love online. You’re trying to draw people in, not insult them! Therefore, mom’s old adage applies “If you don’t have something good to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Mistake Number Two: Yeah, But Who Are YOU?
Although brevity is supposed to be the soul of wit, when it comes to your profile, being too succinct is a problem. After all, you’re supposed to create some interest, spark some intrigue. Without giving your reader something to react to, something to be drawn to, they will just click on to the next. While, it’s true that people have short attention spans on line- you do want to leave an impression that you’re someone with something interesting to say.

Mistake Number Three: 101 Traits of the Perfect Partner
On the other hand, writing a book is equally problematic. Long-winded profiles usually go into excruciating detail about the kind of qualities you’re seeking in your ideal partner. Remember what they say about giving yourself a long rope?…It’s often enough to hang yourself with. If you give a laundry list of specifics about who you’re looking for, you’ll scare off too many potentially great partners who will fear that they don’t match enough of your stringent requirements. By being more moderate, you’ll draw more people in. This is what you want- getting as many initial replies as you can gives YOU the power to explore more prospective mates. You never can be sure what package your soul mate will arrive in!

Mistake Number Four: Obviously Jaded
Here’s a test: what’s your first reaction when you read- “No players or head games.” I’ll tell you what it’s not: “Oh great, I can’t wait to meet this jaded, cynical person who is expecting the worst.” I hate to say it, but women are more often guilty of this than men. Sure, life can be rough and dating can be even rougher, but no one is attracted to negative, pessimistic people who appear to have baggage. Leave your baggage at the airport.

Mistake Number Five: Describing What You Do, Not Who You Are
Often people make the error of describing only the activities that they engage in. It’s great if you can find a partner who enjoys the same interests as you, but what makes people fall in love is WHO you are, not what you do. So try to describe the kind of person you are. But avoid the other common trap of listing 12 adjectives that describe your personality. Sure, that gives a tiny glimpse into who you might be. But more enlightening (and entertaining) would be a story or short description that explains how you embody a particular characteristic.

Mistake Number Six: Cloning Gone Awry
It’s not uncommon to walk away from a profile thinking, “Great- they like to eat, watch movies, and cuddle…like everyone else on the planet.” Problem is- your reader still doesn’t know why you’re unique- why they should bother to contact you! In Colorado, that problem is even more widespread since so many people describe themselves as outdoorsy lovers of hiking, biking, skiing, etc. To stand out- you’ve got to let your unique self shine through! What makes you different from others? What are you passionate about?

Mistake Number Seven: Neurotic R’ Us
Watch out for sounding desperate, neurotic, insecure, arrogant, or selfish. These are what I call the big red flags- write something that falls into one of these categories and you can guarantee that readers will be offended. Talking about how lonely you are, acting like everyone you meet is below you, or sounding like you need someone to save you spells trouble. So whatever you do- avoid including any red flag statements in your profile. Sometimes it’s a topic, sometimes it’s a tone. You can get away with some mistakes, but this isn’t one of them! Have a friend proof read your ad before posting it- just to make sure!

Mistake Number Eight: Kiddie Take Over
Many people are single after a divorce and have kids. That’s life and there’s nothing wrong with it. Your kids are important to you, so go ahead and mention them in your ad. Even show a picture of them- but do not make the mistake of sounding like your children have completely taken over your life. If it seems like your role as mom or dad is all you have time for, potential suitors will think there’s no room in your life for them!

Mistake Number Nine: No Smiling Faces
Picture selection is key. First off- you have to put up a picture! Profiles with pics receive so many more responses, that it’s almost not worth posting a profile without one- no matter what you look like! So don’t be shy. But you’d be surprised how many people post unbecoming pictures with the most common mistake being not showing off your smile! Your primary picture is your first chance to make a positive impression- and often your last- so make sure you look happy, open, friendly and fun!

Mistake Number Ten: Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
Nothing says louder, “I have a big ego” then posting 8, 12, 14 pictures of yourself! Having several is great! You need a good head shot, a flattering body pose, and then maybe a fun one of you doing something you enjoy. Since people often look remarkably different in various photos, having several pictures decreases the likelihood that your date will be unpleasantly surprised upon meeting. However, posting too many pictures sends a negative message. Stick with a max of 5 great shots.

By avoiding the top ten profile mistakes, you’ll do a lot to get the attention you deserve! However, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Smile for the Camera – and Get More Dates

Has the online dating profile that you posted not gotten the windfall of responses that you expected? Or maybe you’re just about to take the plunge into the world of online dating and want to start out with a bang. Best advice - post the best photos that you can.

Your photographs are a key element to your success with online dating, maybe even the most important element. We’re all visual beings and making a strong first impression with your photos can make all the difference with the kind of dating experience that you have online.

Here’s some advice that can tip the scales for you.

Have your photos taken professionally.

As well meaning and helpful as our friends or family might be with that digital camera, they do not have the expertise to photograph you at your best. A professional knows how to light their subject to enhance their look and how to pose you to maximize your best features and downplay what might not be.

Professionals are trained to put their subjects at ease – and you want to look relaxed and at your best in your photos.

Think of going to a professional photographer as an investment. You have only seconds to catch someone’s eye as they peruse the listings. If you have photos that make you stand out from the crowd, you will get far more “hits” to your profile.

Online dating can be a time consuming prospect, and you want to make the most of your time and the viewers as well.

When choosing to “Do it Yourself”

But if going to a professional is not in the budget, here is some advice to getting the best photos of yourself.

1) Use current photos

We all have that one photo that we know was the best photo ever taken of us, but if it’s 15-20 years old it’s not going to be to your advantage to use it. Remember, “truth in advertising” is the best motto here. We have all heard the story of the person who goes to the restaurant to meet their online date and does not recognize them because their photos were anything but current.

2) Have someone else take the photos

Don’t hold the camera up in the bathroom and snap yourself in front of the mirror. The surroundings don’t do you justice. When you hold a camera at arms length, or use that web cam your face will appear distorted, with your nose looking larger than life.

3) Advice for your photographer

Photograph people alone. More than one person in the photo gets confusing.

Make sure the background is not cluttered. Use a wall that does not have a lot on it and have your subject stand away from the wall not, close to it. Weather permitting go outside.

Use a flash when the environment is dark so your subject is lit. Also use a flash to illuminate your subject if you are outside and the light is behind them.

Avoid mirrors or shiny surfaces in the background. These will catch the light of your flash and appear very bright.

Don’t have your subject stand too far from the camera. Do some close-ups so their face is clearly visible.

Take a lot of photos so you have a choice, and have your subject try different facial expressions; smiles, serious.

4) Dress for Success

Have yourself photographed in 2-3 different looks, from casual to dressy. Give people a sense of the range of what you wear.

For Men - you might not be someone who dresses up a lot, but at least do so for a photo or two. Wearing a sports jacket, and/or suit can look classy and most women like that.

Men, if you’re planning to have a hair cut before your photos, give it a week or so to grow out a little before your photos.

For Women – dress sexy but don’t overdo it. Too much skin showing can give the wrong message. Leave them intrigued and wanting to see more.

- For Women – have your hair and make-up done professionally for your photo shoot. It will make all the difference.

Good luck with your on-line dating experience.

What to Ask Before Commitment

Most common dating practices of today are not the best way to find your ideal mate.

So you go to a dance and meet someone that you are attracted to. She’s all dressed up and looks her best for the dance. So does he. Clothes are pressed, clean shave, he looks good. You talk for awhile about where you work and if you have kids and how old they are. You laugh together and generally have a good time. At the end of the evening, you exchange phone numbers.

Second meeting, official first date, you go out for dinner. Wanting to impress her, he takes her to a nice restaurant and orders a bottle of wine. You talk some more, laugh a little, hold hands and make eye contact. You smile a lot. And at the end of the evening you kiss goodnight.

Sound familiar? We’ve all done it. So we go out again and again, to a movie or to a concert or a club and if it goes on for several weeks we begin to assume that we will be spending out weekends together or at least our weekend evenings, if not the entire weekend. We get along and like the same things and after awhile talk about moving in together. After all we enjoy each other and the sex is good, so why not? What else is there to know? Right?

Wrong! There’s plenty! There is much more to identifying your life partner than just getting along and liking some of the same things. This is where most people go wrong in choosing a mate. David Steele, founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and a marriage and family therapist for many years says this; “I have spent many years….helping struggling, unhappy couples keep their relationships alive. I have become acutely aware that with better information and support couples would be able to make good relationship choices before making a commitment. In a relationship there are solvable and unsolvable problems…… The issues that break couples up are easily identified prior to making a commitment. Unfortunately, individuals tend to either minimize these issues or be unaware of them.”

How well do you know yourself?

What is it that you are here to do in this lifetime?

What do you truly value in yourself and in another person?

What are you working toward and why?

What is it that you think having a life partner or soulmate will bring to your life?

What do you need to feel truly loved?

What do you want to give and why?

These are the kinds of questions you will want to have the answers to before you start dating. And these are the kinds of questions you will want to find out from anyone you are considering as a life partner.

Meeting Off-line — Think Safety First!


A first meeting with any new love interest can be exciting, and most first meetings are perfectly safe. But it's always smart to take basic precautions. Always trust your instincts. And be sure to keep the following guidelines in mind:

DO meet in public.
ALWAYS arrange to rendezvous in a populated, public place. NEVER meet in a private home (or in a hotel room) or in a remote location.

DO tell a friend.
Tell at least one friend or family member you are meeting, where you are going and when you expect to return. Let your date know the meeting is not a secret.

Tip: Contact your friend before and after the date or ask your friend to contact you at a predetermined time.

DO stay sober.
Refrain from drinking excessively, as it could impair your ability to make good decisions and may put you at risk.

Tip: Stick to nonalcoholic drinks when meeting someone for the first time.

DON'T leave home without your mobile phone.
If you have a mobile phone, take it with you on dates. Most cell phones can be used to call 911.

Tip: Make sure 911 services are available in your area. If not, know your emergency number.

DON'T ask the other person to pick you up.
Get yourself to and from the date, even if you have to have a friend drive you or take a taxi.

DON'T leave personal belongings (purses, wallets) or drinks unattended.
Don't risk having your personal information stolen. The same goes for your drink — don't risk having it tampered with.

Tip: If you must leave your drink unattended to go to the restroom, order another when you return.

DON'T succumb to the temptation to take first dates to your home (or to go to his/her home).
Stay in a public place, even if you are pressured. If you feel pressured, end the meeting and leave at once.

Tip: If you are followed to where you parked your car, stop and hail a taxi or go into another public place to use the telephone and phone a friend. Come back later with your friend to get your car.

DO set up a next date — if you are ready and feel comfortable.
And DO remember to follow all of these tips on subsequent meetings, until you feel confident with your new friend. If the other person is sincerely interested in you, he or she will want you to feel safe.

Long Distance Meetings: 6 Sensible Safety Suggestions


We've come a long way, baby — literally. Fifty years ago, the idea of "courting" someone who lived in the next town over (much less across the globe) was pretty much unheard of. Today, technology has made a mud puddle out of an ocean. But long-distance first meetings pose special concerns. Always keep safety at the forefront and bear in mind the following tips:

DO stay in a hotel.
If you can't afford to stay in a hotel, don't go. NEVER stay at the other person's home on your first visit.

DO use taxis to get to and from the airport.
If the other person wants to greet you at the airport — great! It shows interest and it's polite. But DO NOT get into a personal vehicle with someone who you are meeting for the first time.

Tip: Arrange a public rendezvous location and time, then take a taxi — alone — to your hotel.

DO keep your hotel location private.
Until you are completely certain of the person's intentions, don't reveal exactly where you're staying.

Tip: To keep from disclosing your location on caller ID, contact your date on your mobile phone en route to your rendezvous.

DO keep valuables in the hotel or room safe.
Don't take them or wear them on your date.

DON'T forget to keep family and friends posted.
Always tell someone who you are meeting, where you are going and when you plan to return.

Tip: Let your date know that your whereabouts are not a secret to your friends and family.

Red Flags: 7 Signs You Might Want to Steer Clear


"If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." Mama was right on target with this bit of advice. Remember that, when it comes to your personal safety, it's not only OK to snoop, it's your duty. Here are a few additional guidelines:

DO listen to your gut.
If the other person can only meet or talk to you at odd hours, he or she may be keeping a secret. If this person cannot be honest with you from the start, you cannot count on him or her to be honest in the future.

Example: If you talk on the phone and a person speaks in hushed tones or "has to go" all of a sudden, the person may not be as single as he or she claims to be.

DO get as many details as possible about the other person BEFORE meeting off-line.
And don't forget to share some of those details with a friend or family member.

DO a little digging.
Because privacy is of the highest importance at Match.com, we do not require our members to submit to background checks. We do, however, encourage members to do their own research on potential love matches, including asking questions, utilizing Internet search engines (try www.ask.com) and most importantly, use common sense. You can also ask your date to submit to a background check, but be careful — a background check is only as good as the information provided to the checker. You can't rely on the accuracy of background check results.

DO be wary of someone who is vague, talks in circles or answers questions with other questions.
Some people are very private, but if you're about to take your relationship to the next level, this isn't the time for reservation.

DO proceed with caution if someone pledges undying love after a first meeting — or even after several conversations online.
Lust at first sight is alive and well, but love is, generally, an acquired feeling.

DO guard your financial information and beware of solicitation.
You're on Match.com for dating, not to give financial advice or charitable contributions. Our Terms of Use strictly prohibits the use of this service for the purpose of solicitation. Please notify us immediately if another member sends you links to a pay-to-view site or includes instructions about how to call a 1-900 number. Also report invitations to join other singles sites, emails about modeling opportunities or attempts to sell any merchandise or service.

DON'T let love rob you blind.
Beware of someone who mentions how broke he or she is. Also be cautious if he claims he "just got laid off from work," or that her financial adviser "scammed her out of all her money."